My Sleepers and Self-Realization: Part One

As I am writing this tonight, both of my boys are asleep! (Silent 'Woo Hoo' to follow...wouldn't want to wake them up!) Jon is away in California on business this week, so it's been a LONG week in the Agamalian household. I didn't realize how much I relay on my quiet time. These days, my quiet time is about 15 minutes to myself before one of the kids realizes that I'm not doing anything and then bombards me with something. I love having kids, but I'm realizing that I'm leaving myself behind. It was very apparent this week, when I didn't get my 15 minutes of quiet mommy time and have lost my temper at pretty much everything. Tonight as I was putting Zach down to sleep, he tells me "Mommy, you were grouchy to me and Ryan today." So, I am starting a new evening tradition where mommy escapes for some time alone. I hope this keeps "grouchy mommy" at bay. Nothing like having your 4 year old tell you something you really didn't want to hear, but leave it to our kids to point out the flaws in us.

I have to say, I did enjoy the time this week when the boys were asleep and it was just me watching tv or surfing the Internet. I can't say I did anything productive or mentally stimulating, but it was just nice to have some "me time." I have had some self-realization occur. In college, all I had was "me time." It's amazing to me, as mothers, how quickly we lose sight of ourselves and blame it on our kids. Granted, we do have moments where all we do is take care of our children. Soon, these kiddos will be all grown up and we won't be able to take time with them. But, if we continue to focus on our children and lose sight of ourselves, then who will we be in 18 years when these kids are grown-up. I really liked myself before kids (not to sound narcisstic) and I loved to sit down and lose myself in a book (something that hasn't happened in years) or watch back-to-back episodes of "Sex and the City" on my DVD's (not catching it on tv, but seriously saying that I was going to sit down and take time for myself to watch television)

The biggie that has come from this realization is that I don't take time to write or play music anymore, which was me before babies and somewhere deep down is still me. I'm afraid of losing those skills. So, you might get some more wordy posts from me, but it's a sacrifice you'll have to make, because its something I just need to do.

**Side note...as I'm finishing up my ramble I am realizing how much this would have resemebled an op-ed piece from my editor days back at the DEN. Ah, the days....**
Here's some pics for those of you just interested in my kids! HA!! (and honestly, I can't blame you!)

Notice how both boys sleep the same way. (Psychologists say that sleeping this way means you are secure in your environment and feel safe. I don't think my kids could be any more "open" than in these photos!) I love watching my children sleep. I always wonder what they are dreaming of, although I'm sure tonight, Zach is dreaming about Daddy coming home. Jon will be home when the boys wake up in the morning (hopefully I don't have early risers!)